of montreal ~ aka ironman

It’s true that I have not traveled much since I have had MS. It is also true that I am not someone who really has ever really had ‘the travel bug’. Oh sure, there are places that I have thought about going – but I have never been someone who has been fixated on a destination or who would ever be willing to ‘abandon everything’ and buy a plane ticket. I am too much of a home-body. I am too conservative. I am also too much of a pussy. Honestly.

Aside from Austria, Ireland, random places in the USA and many places of Canada (as far east as Montreal) I have not done much traveling.

It’s funny, a couple of years ago I read a story written by a wheelchair-bound lady who has MS. Her health issues are such that she is able to wheel a wheelchair (which is unusual, in and of itself… most people with that kind of MS-related limited mobility are scooter-bound) and she ‘sometimes’ suffers from fatigue. Yeah. So, she wrote a story about her trip to the Great Wall of China in a publication that is only really read by MS people and their caregivers. She talked about how helpful people were, how they were so surprised by her being there in her wheelchair. At many points in the journey, she had to get people to lift her in her wheelchair so that she could navigate the rough terrain. Despite her not speaking a lick of Chinese, she was able to survive, explore, overcome.

I am very good at extracting the moral from the story.

Disabled people can be your heroes. Hope that helps you sleep better at night.

My disabilities have all but destroyed any plans that I have had to travel.

Invisible disabilities are a bitch, man. Unlike lady-wheelchair, people do not *help* me. In fact, any of the few times that I have requested help (and this tends to come in the form of me asking people if I can use their washrooms, as my MS includes the paralyzing symptom of having ongoing/ unpredictable pee + pooh problems), people have treated me like I was a liar, like I was suspect, like I was asking for a hand-out, like I was deceptive.

People don’t really get to pat themselves on the back for helping or being kind to a person like me. I do not have a wheelchair, cane, braces, scooter, eye patch, or mechanical limbs. There would be no story for them to go home and tell their wife. “Today I helped this girl who looked fine but told me she had MS” just doesn’t have a charitable ring to it.

Sometimes I am exactly like the people around me. Sometimes I am better than them and I can run faster, climb higher, and take on bigger challenges.

There are also times where I am overwhelmed by new surroundings and panicky because I do not know how to provide all the safeguards that I have developed in order to get myself to leave the house every day.

Again, it is a good thing that I promised myself that I would never be anyone’s ‘disabled hero’. Otherwise, I would feel pretty crappy to tell you that I am not even approaching being ready to travel the world and inspire you to get off your ass.

That being said, in a few weeks I am going to Montreal and then to Ottawa. I am scared as hell. If you tell me how courageous I am for trying to ‘overcome my fear of traveling’, I will kick you in the teeth.