time & confusion

i forget things.

a few days ago, G reminded me what i was like last summer. he reminded me what hanging out with me in 20+degree temperatures is like. heat totally exacerbates all of my MS symptoms. my cognitive problems go into overdrive, body pain and achy-ness gets turned up about 10 notches, tiredness and fatigue knock me on my ass. basically, anything that sucks starts to suck way harder.

last summer, days were spent like this: wake up as late as possible in my air-conditioned (thank you strangle hold!!!) bedroom, lay on my futon stretching until actually able to physically stand up, go have a cold bath and then brush teeth and hair, come downstairs and drink water, check on kiddie pool outside (removing any debris that i had befallen it the night before), lay on the linoleum for a while, go out to the pool and sit there until being near the sun was too much, come back in and turn fans on, eat something, go back out to the pool, come back and lay on the linoleum some more, (repeat the pool + linoleum sessions - regardless if people are over visiting or not), take a nap, have dinner, go back to bed in air-conditioned room.

that pretty much sums up the 2-3 hottest months of last year. because i was not working or volunteering or even taking a class or two at night - i made every attempt to sleep through as much of the heat as i possibly could. i had no schedule i had to maintain.

suprisingly, this year i seem to be doing better. i would not say that i am doing ‘well’, but i would say better than last year.

as people may have noticed at the gig last night, i was not altogether ‘there’. after having been in all day conferences (where i had to actually *interact* with humans all day) for the last 2 days - i was totally wiped out. the combination of the mindnumbingness of conference activities, the human input overload, the heat, getting up early for so many mornings in a row, and having committed myself to more than i could handle - resulted in me being a little ‘ghostlike’. i dunno that i was *grumpy* at the show, but if i seemed to be, you can disregard it. it was more that i was sleepwalking by that point in the day.

at least i was able to show up and attend the CD release party of my favorite band (you know, aside from the weakerthans). last year, i am sure, it would not have been possible.