just a closer walk with thee

we have come to count on each other’s fearful silences. we wrap those silences in blankets of cynicism, cleverness, inconsequential observation.

you don’t want to do it. you don’t want to hold my gaze. you don’t want to stand toe-to-toe with me in a way that lifts me up/ challenges me/ makes you see yourself.

in drama class, i was made to stare into the eyes of a man i barely knew. we were not to speak. my eyes laughed. my eyes hid. my eyes told him that everything was going to be all right. my eyes told him that i loved him as best i knew how. - - - the silence we had was not fearful, but brave.

and so, with you and i, i wonder what we are doing here. why we walk out of step, reminding ourselves of what we do not have together.

our silence doesn’t work.