last man standing

If you are someone who has a neurodegenerative disease that is going to cripple and torture you in the most unexpected ways, I urge you to not look up that neurodegenerative disease on www.youtube.com to see what other people (including the frustrated, sad, lonely, angry, traumatized children or life-partners of people with this disease) have to say.

Especially do not do this at 7:45am when you get in to work, before your boss gets there. Though I guess at least this way you can openly cry while you watch each of the little videos.

In some strange way it is a privilege for me to be able to hear about the terrible things that *could* come my way. Other folks that I have met who have Multiple Sclerosis have had the more feared symptoms (loss of bladder control, becoming wheelchair/ scooter-bound, blindness/ optic neuritis, slurred speech, etc) encroach upon their lives before they had the chance to hear other people’s stories – before they even had a chance to feel *anything* about what was to come.

I, however, have been given plenty of time to fuck with my own mind. According to my neurologist, my MS is considered to be ‘extremely mild’ – and has been so for almost 5 years now.

This leads me to wonder, on mornings like now, just how bad things could get.