we all know art is hard

I have said it before and I will say it again… endings are hard.

I have been in friendships and in relationships that I felt clearly must come to an end. I have often instigated the endings of those partnerships. As many of you know, I am not shy about breaking up (in the platonic and the sexualized sense) with people who have a negative influence on my life. The catch is that it is, in some ways, more challenging to be on the pro-active end of things. It can be harder to take responsibility for the ending, to be expected to ‘justify’ the ending, and to been seen as having made someone else a victim.

It’s tough, man.

There are people who are of the mistaken impression that, because I openly encourage my friends and loved ones to *delete* negative people from their lives, endings are somehow easy for me. I will save you the suspense and tell you that this isn’t the case.

Whichever side of the whip you are on, there is a process of mourning to go through. Sometimes the mourning is as simple as “fucking good lord, glad that shit is over” and sometimes the sadness and heaviness crawls with you through many days/ months/ years. The ‘deaths’ of certain things in our life can set off a chain-reaction. We may be looking at a situation and see a reflection into past experiences. Sometimes we are unable to separate the current termination with the terminations that have happened before.

Something very simple in my life is about to come to an end. It is no big deal, really. However, as I was spacing-out during a business lunch today, I realized that I know myself well enough to know that I will cry.

I never know why, exactly, I am crying. But if you want to earn some good money, place bets that I will be raw and open and tearful when something comes to an end – no matter how small that ‘something’ is.