dead seeds

how is it possible for so many people to feel so lonely?

how are we able to witness each other’s lives and never actually connect?

i wonder about these things. i wonder how/ why we have set up societies where people can be totally forgotten - where we can totally forget ourselves.

i watch this boy sometimes. i watch the way that he twists and turns his way around a deep, depraved sense of loneliness. and he doesn’t believe in connection, not really. he doesn’t believe in the soulfulness of uniting with other beings. and so, how can he be so lonely? how can he be lonely if he doesn’t truly believe that there is the possibility of synergy with another person? i don’t know. i am baffled.

i find myself skipping over opportunities to become closer to people. it happens all the time. instead of holding onto/ falling into each other.... we talk, laugh, eat, rant, ignore, glaze over it all. sometimes i feel that if i got any closer to certain people, that i would never be able to ‘go back’. i would not be able to return to a state where it was acceptable to ignore each other for days. ignore each other’s pain. ignore each other’s affections.

the idea of loneliness gets dog-piled by concepts of: community, health, spirituality, architecture, family, communication, mental health, ego, sex/uality, housing, barriers, affection, fear......

and i just don’t know how people survive in the well of loneliness.