catherine the grateful

It’s official. The ‘end-of-the-year-what-does-it-all-mean’ crises have officially begun.

In the last week I have received several phone calls and emails from long-lost (I guess ‘lost’ implies that our departures from one another were by accident – most of my partings with people are on purpose… not to be mean or anything) friends and lovers. Huh. Well, what can I say? I have done it too. Somewhere around the middle of December, people start to realize that the year is *almost over* – that they will be turning *one more* year older this year (creeping dangerously towards our 30’s or 40’s) – and that maybe they have not turned out to be the kind of people that they wished they were. Somehow, I fit into this equation for some people. The Regret of the Year for many of my ex-friends/ ex-lovers seems to be that they are sorry that they have not been there for me as I have hammered out my first few years with MS. People have been scared. People have been intimidated. People have been selfish. And now, those people are sorry.

I shouldn’t be so flip about this. Several of the long lost friends and lovers are more than welcome to reenter my life. I know how dreadful it can be to send off an email of apology. You feel vulnerable and raw – and you wait for a reply of doom.

In all seriousness, I totally understand the ‘end-of-the-year-what-does-it-all-mean’ crises. I understand where people are coming from – and I plan to treat them gently. In the past, people have afforded me the opportunity to wallow in my own self-doubt and barf out hyper-apologetic rants. I plan on returning the favour.

I guess I should hurry up and make my *own* list of people to apologize to/ rekindle friendships with. After all, Hexmas is just around the corner.