delirium trigger

as i waited behind a nameless boy in the ‘business deposits’ line... i found myself wanting.

wanting so many things.

i know this is bad.

i wanted to be able to not have to think about all the things i have to think about. i wanted to be able to hold him - hold him with arms that were free of pain - arms that moved when i told them to. i wanted to be able to remember his name. i wanted to be standing there, not so exhausted, and look him in the eyes.

i wanted to want him. and for a moment, i wanted a time when i know that he would have wanted me.

summer hit hard today. energy dangles even farther away from me.

you can expect me to hibernate. please come and visit. i need to tell you stories of things that i am learning not to want so much.