be quick or be dead

It has been a while. My mind has been elsewhere lately… and I have been having a hard time finding the time and the gumption to write things down. While it may be tempting to think that I have been neglecting my commitment to masterbatory public posting of questionably written ramblings because I have been spending all of my time with my gentleman friend – that is not really the case. Oh yes, I *have* been spending many of my days and nights with my special gentleman friend, but that is not why I have been not been writing.

So why? Where is my mind these days?

I couldn’t really tell you. All I know is that I had an MRI done a couple of months ago and it seems that I have an alarming number of new plaques (or *dead areas* if you will) on my brain. Good thing I requested the optional brain scan, eh? The neurologists had hoped that I would have between zero-2 new plaques on my brain since my last scan (which happened 4 years ago when they were initially trying to diagnose my MS). Turns out that there are 5 new plaques – some of them quite large.

Unsettling.

When I get the headaches (that I have been told are *unrelated* to the MS), I have to tell you that I it seems to me that I can FEEL MY BRAIN DYING.

So maybe that is where my mind has been. Busy dying.

At some point maybe I will rework my personality and use these kinds of fixations as a way to *motivate* and *improve* my writing. For now, I will sit here with a cup of tea for a little longer and wait for the pains in my head to pass.