angermeans

let me tell you right now, i will *never* use a mortgage broker again.

never.

while there are so many amazing and positive things happening, i find myself overwhelmed by violent, heated, seething anger.

i take possession of my new home in two days. however, i will be untangling someone else's bureacratic mistakes for the weeks to come. if i am unable to untangle the mess, it could cost me $30,000 in added interest costs over the next 35 years.

i am practically on fire.

it's a fire

Claustrophobia.

So, a few days ago I went to get an MRI done. Now that my neurologist has realized that my MS is, in fact, active, she is insisting that I go for an MRI every 6 months so that they can track how quickly my brain is dying.

When MRI’s are done on your brain area they have you lay back on a bench. They then put a set of blinders on you and strap your head down so that you don’t move too much during the procedure. They also either give you headphones (they have a selection of ‘calming’ music – you are also allowed to bring your own CD) or put earplugs in your ears (because the machine is so loud while it is taking images).

In my case, they also throw an IV drip into your arm to get some dye into your brain area and have the images come out with more definition.

All that happens after you have taken out all of your body piercings and changed into a set of hospital PJs.

They slide you into the tube-like machine and leave you there. The tube is barely wide enough to accommodate my breasts.

In my case, all of your doctors seem to somehow forget to tell you that you will have to have dye injected into your body and that the procedure is now going to last 45 – 50 min, rather than the 20 minutes that you have come to expect.

Most of you do not know that I am claustrophobic. If I had to rate my level of claustrophobia in an MRI situation, 1 being ‘could care less’ – 10 being ‘no fucking way will you ever get me into that thing’, I would rate myself at a conservative 8.5.

And so, I get sedatives for these occasions.

This time around, the ativan was not enough. Not nearly fucking enough.

The second they strapped me down I began hysterically crying and could not stop myself not matter what i did. This resulted in them hauling me back out of the MRI room, IV-buddy in tow – so that I could take MORE DRUGS and wait for another 45 min for them to kick in.

If it weren’t for the fact that I have had my body poked, prodded, examined, assessed, treated, labeled, and diagnosed, I would have never known that I was claustrophobic.

Sometimes I don’t know if I need to know myself in this way. Know what I mean?

loving the alien

well, this article (below) says that about 2/3 of people who have MS have had this particular symptom that used to drive me crazy. it doesn't happen anymore (at least not right now), but when i told my drs about it, they didn't have a clue what i was talking about.

nutso.

anyway, learn something new about MS... i did.

* choke_hold


L'Hermitte's sign describes electrical buzzing sensations in the limbs and body brought on by movement of the neck. These sensations are known as paraesthesia and include tingling, buzzing, electrical shocks, partial numbness and sharp pains. L'Hermitte's is most often triggered by lowering the head so that the chin touches the chest. The sensations usually only last for a second or two. It has been called the "barber shop" symptom because it is often evoked when the hairdresser asks you to lower your head when he or she shaves the back of your neck.

L'Hermitte's is associated with a number of conditions including arthritis, cervical spondylosis, disc compression, pernicious anaemia, tumours and multiple sclerosis. In many cases, the cause cannot be found.

Because the cervical spinal cord is a frequent target for multiple sclerosis it is a very common symptom of MS. Aproximately two thirds of people with multiple sclerosis experience L'Hermitte's symptom at some point during the course of their disease.

In MS, L'Hermitte's is an indicator of lesions in the cervical spine (the part of spine in the neck). Movement of the neck causes the damaged nerves (the demyelinated neurons) to be stretched and send erroneous signals. The symptoms can occur anywhere below the neck and many people with MS find that it moves around their body from one day to the next.

INSITE - Call for volunteers

As you¹re probably aware, InSite for Community Safety is running a campaign to keep InSite open. You¹re also likely well aware how very important this issue is: it is literally a matter of life and death that the facility remains open and we are working hard to ensure that it does. On that note, we could sure use your help. Over the next couple of weeks leading up to the expiry of the exemption that allows InSite to operate (Sept.12), we will need as many volunteers as we can muster to collect letters, man (woman) information/letter booths, help out in the office, and be their lovely, creative, socially-conscious selves helping us win this fight. If that sounds like something you¹d be interested in, please contact us (see below)right away. Even a couple of hours of your time over the next couple of weeks would be a huge help to us and would be very much appreciated.

Thanks so much and look forward to seeing you,

Megan McKinney
InSite for Community Safety
Office: (604)255-5457
Cell: (778)829-0792
Email: info@communityinsite.ca
Website: www.communityinsite.ca

shake, senora

let's see if blogger is going to be a little less assy on a different computer.

voila, c'est some new household items.

stir and enjoy.

raspberry swirl

well, i tried to make a posting yesterday - but blogger unceremoniously crapped out on me.

this week has been a roller coaster ride introduction to the world of craigslist.

if you think that ebay is cutthroat, you have likely not tried to make an actual purchase for a sought-after item on craigslist. and neither had i, up until this week.

oh sure, i have browsed the list for things like motorcycles and real estate, but i had never tried to buy danish teak furniture for my house.

the short story is that the *amazing* arc lamp that i had made a verbal contract to purchase was sold to someone else, right out from under my nose. the seller was totally disorganized and unapologetic... going so far as to even ask me if i would still like to come and look at his other items. i said “no thank you”.

the good news is that i bought an adorable swirly glass fruit bowl that will live on our new coffee table. blue glass + teak looks lovely. for $5, i couldn’t go wrong.

lief is clearly the hero of the week. he scored a cherry-coloured chair (which i intend to take over as my official knitting perch) and an orange swedish light fixture (it’s huge!). for those of you who know what my couch looks like, you will understand why the light fixture is *such* a good idea.

what i have learned this week is that if you want items from people on craigslist, you must do the following:
- check the list every hour.
- if there is a phone number in the posting, call *right away*. emailing is a waste of your time.
- tell the seller that you will *buy* the item. don’t tell them you ‘might want to take a look’.
- tell them you have a truck or transport to pick it up.
- be prepared for disappointment.

i am going to have to lay off the craigslist-crack for the next week, methinks. my nerves are shot. i am at the point where if i see a listing that says ‘danish teak’ i just say “i want it”, even if i clearly don’t. it’s like when you have been in value village for too long and you start thinking that buying a tube top made of towel material would actually be rad and ironic. just walk away.

the saga shall continue...

blogger is being assy, so i will have to post pictures of the previously mentioned furniture items in a later entry.

INSITE - National Post article by Mason Wright

Drug measures merit support
Vancouver's Insite, Toronto's safer crack use kits success stories

Mason Wright
National Post

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Whether drug addiction is a criminal or health issue would seem to be a fairly polarizing question. But in Vancouver there has been a surprising amount of agreement among governments, community activists, police and business groups, thanks to the Downtown Eastside's safe injection site for drug (especially heroin) users, Insite.

Yesterday at the intersection of Yonge and Bloor, local activists and delegates from the International AIDS Conference staged a brief demonstration by blocking traffic to raise awareness of Insite, which is threatened with closure next month after a three-year trial period unless Health Canada extends its exemption from drug-use laws.

The facility's success is undeniable. It offers a clean, health-focused location for addicts to inject safely and get information about addiction treatment services.

With the availability of clean needles and medical staff on-site, Downtown Eastside rates of blood-borne infections such as HIV and hepatitis C have reportedly been reduced, and there are fewer instances of people shooting up in public -- a plus for nearby Chinatown businesses that originally opposed Insite.

Add to that a record of zero deaths despite 453 overdoses at the facility between its September, 2003, opening and March, 2006, and it's easy to see why Insite has the support of Vancouver Mayor Sam Sullivan, the B.C. government and former mayors Phillip Owen and Larry Campbell.

"My staff has been working on the front line with the VCHA [Vancouver Coastal Health Authority] to ensure that both enforcement and health related goals are addressed in this project," Vancouver Police Chief Jamie Graham wrote in a letter to Health Canada supporting Insite.

Vancouver's Insite experience has also provided an example for Toronto. While heroin use is not as big a problem as crack cocaine addiction, the principles of harm reduction are the same. In Vancouver, they call the plan for fighting drug addiction the "four-pillar" strategy, with harm reduction, treatment, enforcement and prevention playing equal roles in the battle.

City Hall adopted its Toronto Drug Strategy in December, 2005, with harm reduction strategies that include a needle exchange and the distribution of safer crack use kits.

Crack cocaine use is risky: the rock form of the drug can be injected after being diluted with lemon juice or vinegar, which carries the usual problems of needle-sharing and overdoses, but is commonly smoked, which provides an intense and immediate high.

Because the majority of crack users live in poverty or on the streets, there are many risk factors associated with the addiction. The spread of HIV is one, since some smokers engage in unprotected sex in exchange for money or drugs or risky sexual behaviours with unfamiliar partners. The use of makeshift smoking pipes and the sharing of pipes can also spread HIV and hepatitis C because burns and sores on the mouth can allow for the exchange of blood.

The safer crack use kits distributed by Toronto Public Health's needle exchange program include clean glass stems, mouthpieces and metal screens, as well as information on how to prevent the spread of diseases. They also give outreach workers the opportunity to make contact with some of Toronto's most isolated people, building trust and connecting them with support services in the community.

With Vancouver's Insite and Toronto's safer crack use kits showing the benefits of harm reduction, Canada can continue to be a world leader in reducing the ills of drug addiction. This, however, will require a show of support from all segments of society to win the Health Canada exemption from Ottawa.

The Conservative party's tendency to view drug addicts as criminals instead of treating the problem as a community-wide health issue means Health Minister Tony Clement and Prime Minister Stephen Harper may need some persuading.

INSITE: CJSF special program

a message about some more coverage on INSITE, sent to me by parween:

My old community radio station will be airing a news piece on INSITE tomorrow, August 18th, from 3:00 to 4:00 p.m. (PST). If you are able to take time out of your day to listen to this piece, check out CJSF at one of the following:

In the Lower Fraser Valley: 90.1 FM
In the Upper Fraser Valley: 93.9 FM Cable
Anywhere that you have Internet access: http://www.cjsf.ca

black metal

God bless the Danish.

Not to jinx things or anything, but I may as well tell you guys that I have bought an apartment. As of this afternoon, I will have removed the subjects from the contract. At the end of the month lots of funky things involving notaries, banks, and possibly lawyers will happen.

September 1st, I will be given the keys to my new home.

Seeing that I have oodles of expenses coming up (those extra bureaucratic fees add up *very* quickly) it seems like a good time for Lief and I to buy the hell out of some Danish furniture and push our VISA limits to the max.

A few nights ago, L and I drove way out to Mission and had the opportunity to poke around in the basement of a mod furniture “lifestyler”. There is really no other way to describe the level of design/ form/ function of this guy’s house. The whole basement was filled with teak, in all states of dis/repair. The salesman and his wife have some amazing pieces – many that they will be taking with them when they move into their new home (their new home, btw, was pretty much designed around an 8 ft arc lamp that they have – which called for a mega-open floor plan).

L and I drove home from Mission with three chairs (photo examples above) and a wonderfully worn teak coffee table. The chairs that we bought are not in as good shape as the photo above, but they are adorable, sturdy and radtastic.

After a couple more sandings, some teak oil, and some TLC, our coffee table is going to be ready for action. Who knew oiling wood would be so fun?

Tonight L and I will continue the spending spree by picking up the arc lamp (above) from a guy in Delta. It stands almost 6 ft high. I imagine it will have no choice but to be the focal point of our livingroom (keep in mind that the new apartment is only 580 sq ft).

Things that I hope to buy before moving in to the place in October:
- teak credenza with some kinda storage space (rather than one that is just all ‘display’ space)
- king sized bed + frame + headboard
- dresser
- small computer desk that will accommodate my computer + Lief’s laptop
- more lighting
- a couple large bookshelves (I intend to leave my old ones in behind Value Village during the moving process)
- hangers (oh, I know that sounds weird, but I have a strange fetish for matching hangers. Again, my current hangers will be left at VV)

The other things that are on my WANT list can wait.

I will keep you posted as the spree of domesticity continues.

INSITE - CBC News, August 11, 2006

Safe injection site will continue, with or without Ottawa, supporters vow

CBC News
Supporters of Canada's only safe injection site for intravenous drug addicts vow to try to keep it running if the federal government withdraws its support.

The three-year Health Canada exemption, which allows the facility in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside to operate legally, expires next month.


Mark Townsend of the Portland Hotel Society says the group is 'morally bound' to keep a safe injection site open.
(CBC)
Supporters have been lobbying keep the facility open and say they'll try to maintain a safe injection site if the Conservative government pulls its support.
Mark Townsend of the Portland Hotel Society, which operates the current site with the Vancouver Coastal Health Authority, said there have been more than 1,000 overdoses at the clinic since it opened in September 2003. Staff are trained to deal with overdoses as well as other issues and try to steer users into counselling.

Figures released by the Vancouver Coastal Health Authority for the two-year period ending on March 31, 2006, show:

7,278 unique individuals registered with the clinic, with a daily average of 607 visits.
453 users overdosed, but no one died.
4,083 referrals were made, with 40 per cent of them to addiction counselling.
368 people were referred to withdrawal management.

"I think we, as a community group, would be morally bound to keep it open," Townsend said, "because we would have evidence that if we shut it, people would die."
When the clinic opened in 2003, it was estimated there were nearly 5,000 injection drug users in Vancouver's poorest neighbourhood — with some of the highest HIV and Hepatitis-C infection rates in the world.

Health Canada gave the clinic a three-year operating exemption under Section 56 of the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act. The B.C. government provided $1.2 million to get started and provides operating funding through Vancouver Coastal Health.

New clinic 'no problem' says veteran activist

Dean Wilson, the former president of the Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users, opened the city's first safe injection site more than seven months before the federal government approved the project.

Wilson said he would open a new facility immediately if the legal site is shut down.

"First of all, I know people would volunteer for it, and I know we'd have enough people to operate. We did last time, with no problem. Supplies always managed to get to us and everything else. There are a lot of wealthy individuals out there who support us."

The current site has been endorsed by Vancouver police, the City of Vancouver and the provincial government.

A spokesperson for federal Health Minister Tony Clement says no decision has been made yet on the future of the site.

INSITE - CBC News, August 14, 2006

Safe injection site should continue, B.C. criminologists report

CBC News
The federal government should give Vancouver's safe injection site for intravenous drug addicts an extension to its three-year mandate, say two B.C. criminologists commissioned by the RCMP to study the issue.

The clinic on Vancouver's Downtown Eastside hasn't been open long enough to determine what its impact has been on the transmission of HIV and other blood-borne diseases, reported Ray Corrado of Simon Fraser University and Irwin Cohen of University College of the Fraser Valley.

While the site may not have delivered all of the community benefits promised, it has helped addicts, they said.
"For those individuals who access it, the evidence is pretty clear that they learn how to inject safely, the overdose tragedies are prevented," Corrado said. "To me, it's a research issue. It needs to be conducted as an experiment, to be judged on its own merits."

The site can only operate legally until Sept. 18, under a three-year Health Canada exemption to Section 56 of the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has said he would wait for the RCMP report before deciding whether to allow the site to continue with federal approval.

Fears haven't materialized

Cohen, who looked at safe injection sites around the world, also notes that none of the fears voiced by opponents of the Vancouver site have materialized.

"The main argument for those against supervised injection sites would be that it would bring crime to the area, that it would increase the use of drugs, that it would actually encourage people who don't use drugs to begin to use drugs," he said. "And none of that has been borne out by the research anywhere."

However, Cohen noted that the site is not yet attracting enough users, adding that the vast majority of addicts in the area are still injecting drugs somewhere else.

Vancouver's supervised research injection site, which opened in September 2003, is the only one in North America.

According to research by the Vancouver Coastal Health Authority, there were an average of 607 visits a day to the clinic during the two-year period that ended March 31, 2006.

The health authority says 453 drug users overdosed at the clinic in that two-year period, but none died, thanks to staff trained to deal with overdoses.

The staff also provide counselling and made 4,083 referrals during the two years, 40 per cent of them to addiction counselling.

The clinic was established to help the nearly 5,000 injection drug users the Downtown Eastside, which has some of the highest HIV and Hepatitis-C infection rates in the world.

Supporters have been lobbying keep the facility open and say they'll try to maintain a safe injection site in the hard-pressed neighbourhood if the Conservative government pulls its support.

video killed the radio star

will i be a home-owner as of september 1st?

stay tuned...

i'm an adult now

today our blog turns two.

hapir birthdoo.

smokin' in the boy's room

Unlike most people, I waited until I was about 22 before I ever took a sip of alcohol or inhaled from a cigarette.

It occurs to me that it has now been over a year since I quit smoking.

No congratulations are in order - I still consider myself an addict.

And maybe that is why I was straight-edge for so many years. Even before I had ever tried alcohol or cigarettes or any form of street drugs, I already knew that I felt ‘addictive’ towards things. I knew that if something was fun or felt good that I would want to do it all the time, in as many ways as I could possibly afford.

I make a distinction between the way that I am addicted to smoking and the way that most other people are addicted to smoking. For me, I was obsessive about it. Rather than waiting for any kind of feeling in my body to tell me that it was time to light up a fag, I would already have one lit. I would sit for hours smoking cigarette after cigarette. I would do any and all of my normal daily tasks with a smoke in my hand.

A special pleasure was smoking in the bathtub. I would lay there for a couple hours, soaking, soaping, smoking. No shit.

How I managed to quit, I am not sure. When I think about it now, despite the myriad of reasons why smoking is fucking terrible, I still think of pleasure and indulgence.

There is something so languorous and decadent about smoking. It made me feel relaxed, yet occupied. It made me feel like I was doing something special for myself, yet it made me feel sick and tired.

I guess I wanted to feel sick and tired. I wanted that to be okay. Feeling sick and tired felt inevitable.

My smoking was markedly worse for the first couple of years I had MS. I was sick and scared and in pain and isolated – and I always had a smoke in hand. It did not help that I was unable to work a regular job and was living in poverty. I worked 3 – 6 hours a week at an under-the-table catering company – making $8/hr – just to subsidize my addiction. At worst, I smoked almost 2 packs of those crazy long lady cigarettes on a daily basis. Driving to the 7-11 at 4am was a regular occurrence for me. During the years of extreme insomnia, I would underestimate how many cigarettes I would need to last me through the night, finding myself at random convenience stores at unreasonable hours.

One of my friends, a *long time* smoker, told me that even 15 years after she quit smoking, she *still* has cravings. Fuck.

Die hard.