holiday. celebrate.

it's a wonderful time of the year.

happy international yvonne defends her thesis day!!!

it warms my heart to share this day with all of you.

yvonne - way to go, fuck-slut!!!

werecat

normally i do not post about dumb shit like 'what i bought today'. however, today i will make an exception.

i went shopping for new glasses with flintoff. because i respect his taste in glasses so much, i allowed him to veto any pairs that i had picked out that he did not like.

almost two hours were spent in granville optical. that's what happens when you put O.C.D. boy with miss enthusiastic inside an eyewear shop together. time consuming.

there were at least ten pairs that i would have been more than happy to take home with me.

in the end, one pair of glasses stood out..... a pair of vintage cat's eye glasses.

sassy. sassy as hell.

no indie rocker riot girl motherfucker could rock glasses like i am gonna rock these glasses.

rock and rolla, outta controlla.

additionally, i have had my new prescription put into my lovely black rhinestone glasses. there will still be room for my old favorites.

well it's true that we love one another

thanks to Y, today i ate my first persimmon. my first persimmon *ever*. i have to say that they are a pretty sexy fruit. i rate them *well above* oranges, but below cherries, and pretty much on par with strawberries.

my new love affair with persimmons may actually cast a shadow on my relations with eggplant. come over for dinner and see what happens.

die by the sword

Sexual and reproductive health seems to be the hot discussion item of the week… so let’s have a chat, shall we?

As y’all may remember from the post last year about my visit with Dr. Beaver, I have a lot to say about sexual health/ doctors/ the politics of health + fucking.

Yesterday, I went in for my bi-yearly (yes folks, that’s TWICE a year – not once every two years) STD/STI check plus pap smear. In this case, I also needed to renew my birth control prescription.

Thankfully, my regular GP was there and he asked me, in his fatherly way, if I was just doing the test as a precautionary measure or if I had been contacted by someone I had had sex with (to inform me that they had been infected with something). I told him that I was just there out of the goodness of my heart. We moved on to discussions of the local music scene and my current employment situation. He said nothing about the mouth shaped bruises on my inner thighs or my bald pussy. This time, things went as they should. And, despite my sense of care and responsibility about my sexual practices, I will hold my breath until I hear back from my doctor tomorrow.

Going to get tested for STDs/STIs + pap smears + breast exams + testicle exams + prostate exams + blood tests + mammograms + godknowswhatelse is not a super-fun thing for most people. But c’mon, a little scrapey-scrapey of the vagina or a q-tip in your urethra or a finger or two up your ass is really not that big of a deal. For some people it may be unpleasant or uncomfortable. Many people have had bad experiences with doctors (and believe me, I am someone who empathizes with you). However, it has SHOCKED me how unconcerned people are about their sexual and reproductive health.

Now, if I were acting as a sexual and reproductive health counselor for my friends I would be all fuckin’ nonjudgemental and informative and supportive. I would also not look at them and go “Are you fucking kidding me? You are 30 years old and you have never been tested for STDs/ never had a pap smear!!!??”. Luckily, I do not have to pretend that I am not blown away by people’s thoughts and responses in discussions of health and fucking.

This week I have been surprised to find out that
- a buddy of mine is not sure if he has ever been tested for ‘the full range’ of sexually transmitted infections. And, at the very least, he has not been tested since at least 6 partners ago.
- a buddy of mine has been functioning on the assumption that he cannot be infected by anything if he eats pussy without a dental dam.
- a buddy of mine feels that because he has only had a couple partners that he is not at risk for anything, seeing that he has always been in monogamous relationships.
- a buddy of mine is terrified of getting blood taken so has never been tested for anything that requires bloodwork.

Am I telling you that these people are jerks? No, totally not. It has just made me realize that sex and health stuff really needs to get talked about a lot more. So, let’s talk about it. I need to learn, you need to learn, and lord knows we are all gonna keep fucking and sucking – so why not do it in as safe of ways as is possible?

To be continued...

public pervert

and so, it seems to me that my geeklord friends are willing to put their profiles up at:

www.friendster.com (it seemed like a good idea at the time. turns out we don't want to date the friends of our friends... often because our friends have already fucked them.)
www.nerve.com (scenesters and pretty people.)
www.lavalife.com (normals, frat boys, halter top ladies, people who only ever meet people online, depressos.)
www.okcupid.com (underage, unusual amount of military people and/or christians.)
www.makeoutclub.com (again, underage + super-duper punk rock hardcore scenester emo cooler-than-you crew kids)

and yet... none of us is on:
www.gk2gk.com (yes kids, geek to geek)

let me be the first to sign up. i will report back later.

when you wake

It’s 4:30pm and the sun is just barely breaking through here in smoggy/ air-polluted downtown Vancouver. Funny though, that the filth in the air makes for such a stunning scene. The lavender and baby pink clouds will not last… the blueness of the sky will fade to black within the hour. Winter is already here.

Winters have been long. I find myself locked into other people’s lives for the duration of the cold. I don’t even notice it happening until it is already over. It is a good thing that I never make promises to only give my heart or my time to one person. It’s a good thing that I never promise that my closeness will last more than the months of winter.

In my dream last night I ran into you at some club. We had an obligatory conversation and bored each other with cynicism and pathetic lies. We were both dead inside and we knew it. All those things that we said we would never be…. we had become them and then some. You and I were monsters of numbness, lies, capitalism, boredom, and misdirected lust. We fucked in the bathroom of the club. Standing up. Not meeting each other’s gaze. Our bodies were both overweight and underweight at the same time. Heavy on the indulgence and greed – light on the wholeness and self-awareness.

I am so tired these days. The light of day is spare in November – and as the sky grows dimmer and blacker I feel that I have sleep-walked through my day.

I blink hard, trying to reorient myself. I shake my head and hands and hope that in an instant, I will start feeling again.

Bring me some kind of miracle.