everything is going extremely well

Not so good.

I am at the point where I am actually annoying myself. My health, energy level and general outlook has been *dismal* for the last month or so… perhaps longer.

Some of this negativity can be directly attributed to my usual/ chronic/ ongoing/ totally boring health problems. Some of it can be attributed to side-effects from interferons. The only new development in the health area is that my migraines may be caused, out of the blue, by my birth control pills. Though it seems odd to me that, after being on them for about 10 years, my birth control pills would all of a sudden cause migraine/ cluster headaches, my GP let me know that I “owed it to myself” to find out if that is what is causing them. His suggestion is to use condoms for a couple of months and see what happens to the headaches.

I am also concerned that the mold around the windows in my apartment may be causing some sort of airborne contamination. What the hells do I know about mold? Nothing! I guess I am going to have to learn a few things quick.

I estimate that it will cost between $2,000 – 5,000 to have both the sliding glass door and the bedroom windows replaced with mid-quality double-paned windows. The ones that I currently have are singled paned and they sweat like a son of a bitch. The sill in the bedroom is rife with mold and the metal sill around the glass door often actually pools with several millimeters of water. Yeah. That shit *can’t* be good for you.

It irritates me that I have to be so conscious of these things – that health related issues seem to dictate so much of my life. I feel worn out by waking up each morning and having to hope that sleep has provided me with some amount of rejuvenation.

And here is the kicker… I am actually very happy. In the midst of feeling physically decimated, I am loving my job more than ever, I feel settled in to my new home, I am surrounded by wonderful humans – both new friends and old, I have lots of plans to learn things and travel, my button business is going well and I have had the chance to create some amazing designs for people, and my finances seem to be in very good order. What gives? How can I feel so bad on so many days? Fuck, I dunno.

All I know is that I need some sort of relief. I wish I knew how to make that happen.

red hot and dance

I have been waiting for about 6 months to take a vegetarian Indian cooking class that is only *sometimes* offered through the Vancouver School Board.

The day is almost upon us.

On February 12th and 19th I will be learning how to make Indian food… fast and easy!

******

COOKING: FAST & EASY SIMPLY INDIAN VEGETERIAN MEALS

Learn how to create dinner meals fast & easy...& economical too! Join Tahera & learn the easiest ways & tips on making Aloo Gobi, Masala, different kinds of Potato Curries, Kholapuri Eggplant cold dish, a variety of Daal dishes & Indian Breads that go with Curries, such as Rotis, Spicy Puris & more! Also learn how to make the famous Puri, Wada Chaat & other Chaat dishes too. Course features Tahera's book "Simply Indian" which will be available for purchase at a reduced rate
in class. Bring a container & apron.

******

I am hoping that this will add a little fever to my usual rotation of quick/ tasty/ marginally healthy dinners.

There will be the added excitement of having both Lief and Sarah in the class with me… so if I forget how to do something I can always get them to cook for me. 

To add to the fury, David, Julia and I are also taking a class on making vegan soaps.

*****

Vegan Hand-Milled Soaps

Great Family Fun! In this hands-on class, create healthy handmade suds with natural herbs, spices, and scents using vegetable based soap blocks. Make a ginger n' ginseng soap, an almond exfoliating facial bar, decorative soap balls, citrus dish soap and men's shaving soap. Recipes for soap on a rope and powdered hand-wash soap. No previous
soap making experience required!

*****

I can hardly wait for ‘Family Fun’!

After buying David a few vegan soaps while we were down in Seattle at the D.I.Y. craft fair, I feel oddly compelled to try it out. I am not sure if I care, particularly, whether my soaps are vegan or not – but if given the choice I would rather make ‘em myself and know what’s in them. Some of you can already guess what you will be getting as your Christmas/ Birthday/ Snowflake Day/ Housewarming presents in the coming year. Word!

Slowly but surely I am crossing things of my ‘list of things to make happen this year’. I will report back as things develop.

While I am eagerly taking these small session community courses, the question of continuing on with my academic education remains unsolved…

under the blade

I flew into a panic and a rage when I found out that there had been “production problems” with the birth control I am on.

Like most of the women I know, I had a great deal of problems getting on to birth control (yes folks, that was about 15 years ago). I changed pills about 4 – 6 times before settling on Alesse. Unfortunately for me, this low dose pill is the only one that my body and brain could handle without complete malfunction.

In establishing myself on a pill I dealt with the following issues:
- weight gain of about 30 pounds.
- boob increase from a D to an E cup.
- extended ‘periods’ for the first 6 months. During most of that time I had some amount of bleeding or ‘spotting’ throughout the months.
- mood swings, confusion, anger, lethargy, soreness, achy-ness, crying, pain.
- diarrhea.
- cramps and very sore breasts,

A few weeks ago I go to the pharmacy to pick up my pills, only to find out that they *still* do not have any Alesse in stock. They suggest I make an appointment with my doctor and get a prescription for some kinda other pill.

I tell them that their suggestion is:
a/ not possible. I have no time or ability to get out to see my doctor and get a new prescription before the time at which I need to start my next cycle of pills.
b/ not a good idea. I have had major problems in getting my body and brain to adjust to the pills that I am on – and a change is bound to mean very negative things.

Too bad for me!

The pharmacy lady is huffy, but agrees to call my doctor and do the prescription change over the phone.

A couple days later I pick up my prescription for three months worth of Marvelon. Fuck.

Though the media reports out of Toronto suggest that 50% of the back-stocks of Alesse have been replenished, this is (at the time) not the case here in Vancouver. My only other option was to sit down with the phone book and call every pharmacy in the Lower Mainland and ask if they could *please* allow me to come and get some Alesse. Seeing that the *three* pharmacies that I normally deal with do not have any in stock, nor do they know when/ if they will get some – this task is too daunting for me.

I start taking the Marvelon.

Oh good lord.

The last two weeks have been a confusing blur of depression, hysterics, feelings of violence and absolute inability to control myself. I have been, a la Pulp Fiction, “pretty fucking far from okay.” There has been a lot of crying. Let’s just say that.

Now, I am not suggesting that Mavelon is an inferior medication to Alesse. My point is that birth control pills are a very specific thing and that yanking someone off a prescription that actually works for them is a bad idea.

‘Luckily’, last night when I went to my pharmacy, they had some Alesse back in stock. Despite the *excruciating* 20 minute wait until I could actually get some and take it home, I am thankful that I was able to go off the Marvelon as of last night.

I am hoping that over the next few days that my hormones readjust and that my brain and face no longer feel like there are going to explode with pressure/ anger. I am also hoping that I will stop feeling like I have to throw up every hour or two. It would be nice if I also didn’t feel like hiding under a blanket all the time. Those would all be good things.

If you haven’t seen me over the last couple of weeks, be thankful. It has been pretty ugly.